I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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