He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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