My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize