It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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