I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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