I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
