the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
