I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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