At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
