I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
