I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
