Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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