the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
