Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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