tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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