I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just googled if crying burns calories
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
