just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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