I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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