Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
