ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
