Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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