I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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