if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
