got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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