Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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