is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
