now i know why i became what i already was.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
