Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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