A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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