Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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