i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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