he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
