Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
