i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize