It's Friday. Sex?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
