Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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