I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
