Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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