My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
