Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
