I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
