possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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