she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
