you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
