She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
