So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
