god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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