Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
