What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
