I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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