I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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