new low.... made out with someone while peeing
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
