My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
