I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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