I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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