I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize