A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
