mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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