Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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