Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
