Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize