I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
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She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.