I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut