I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
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I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.