I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever