When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
