tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
