i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and she was petting her beer can
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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