im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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