Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
