Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
