Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
