It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
