PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
