yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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