I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Green mimosas i think yes
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
