finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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