sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
