Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
